Playing small is something I struggle with and I also notice it occurring with my clients. It’s not just a female thing, though as women we seem particularly good at playing small. It’s not just a British thing, though I must admit, it does feel particularly common for British people to think that it’s somehow not the done thing to be too out there, too talented, too fabulous. Everybody can fall under the spell of playing small and fortunately we can all dream BIG to get ourselves over it.
There’s a video version of this over on Facebook listen to it here and then part 2 lives here
Why do we play small when we could be playing BIG?
Playing small starts off feeling nice and cosy. It’s our defensive place and it feels safe. And boy do we like to keep ourselves safe. Safe from criticism, safe from being seen, safe from speaking our truth and being heard, safe from offending others, safe from our greatest fears.
What does playing small look like?
Playing small at work might look like you never putting yourself forward for new projects, opportunities or promotions. It might look like you never asking for help or what you need at work. Never taking the opportunity to highlight your fabulous work, asking for a promotion or pay rise. Or it might look like you as the budding entrepreneur with loads of ideas that don’t get off the ground or that do and don’t get marketed because you are too frightened to put yourself out there.
Playing small might show up in the way that you speak. You might find yourself apologizing for things which are not even in your control. Or maybe when you add your contribution to a conversation you diminish it by adding something like; “Oh that was just an idea…you’ve obviously thought a lot more about this situation.”
Playing small might show up in your relationships. You might find yourself susceptible to control or abuse and giving your power away.
Playing small socially might look like you waiting to be invited or asked the whole time. Sitting on the sidelines waiting watching others in the limelight. Knowing that you are actually pretty good at something but not putting yourself forward and trying.
Is any of this resonating with you?
I know that deep down everyone is playing small in some area of their life.
Where are you still playing small?
Take a moment to connect with yourself, take 5 deep breaths and sink your awareness down into your heart space. Feel into this questions and ask yourself “Where am I playing small when I could be playing BIG?”
Feel into what comes up for you.
You may even notice that little voice inside of you that might get all whiny or even jealous and judgemental towards other people who are playing BIG, making themselves seen and being FABULOUS. You might notice that they make you cringe a bit when you see what they are doing on social media or when you receive an email from them at work. You might find yourself judging that you are better than them because really they are pushing all of your buttons by stepping up in some way into that person that you believe yourself to be.
I resisted for years in revealing my spiritual gifts and teachings because I feared judgement and criticism from even my closest friends and family. One of the ways that I realised that playing small was bothering me was when I would notice others with similar talents appear so confident and shining doing exactly some of the things I do. It would leave me with a bad taste in my mouth, I couldn’t feel happy for them, I actually felt jealous, not because of what they were doing but of the fact that they were playing big and being seen for who they were in such a confident way. I knew deep down that I had to do the same.
Feel into this question, discover where you are still playing small. Notice how it makes you feel in your body, notice how it makes you act in your life.
Are you ready to let go of the story of playing small?
Now that you have identified the area in which you are playing small, let’s say you need to be more visible at work for example. Hold yourself tightly in a big bear hug. Forgive yourself. Be your own best friend. Be kind to yourself and definitely not scolding. Know that you are amazing and only behaving in this way to keep yourself safe and protected. Maybe you are carrying a story of being criticized by someone when you did let your talents shine, maybe you don’t want to offend others by being brilliant, maybe you are too frightened of history repeating itself it you do put yourself out there and have had a negative past experience. Whatever story you are carrying that is keeping you small, is it really serving you?
For me, I know that my story of playing small, not allowing my spiritual self to be seen and grow was not only making myself miserable but also depriving so many people of actually being helped and inspired by my teaching and healing gifts. Playing small in this way was not serving me, it made me a little grumpy and up tight..
You can’t carry a story of both being small and playing big, so you have to make a choice. Keep the small story or release it and make room for a new and bigger story? What can you do to show yourself that you are done with your small story? You might want to hold a small ceremony and write down your small story and burn it or set it free in the ocean to symbolize the release of the story and physically helping you to create space for your new story. You might need to do an exercise in forgiveness to help release the ties that bind you to small story. Feel into this, it could be huge, it could be life changing. Are you ready? Have you got a support system around you to support you if you start moving towards playing big and leaving the playing small behind?
Start thinking BIG
This is the fun part, get ready to step up and step into your bigger story. Upgrade yourself from your small story to the larger than life, greatest version of yourself.
What does that look like for you? When you are playing BIG (out there) what are you doing? Who are you hanging out with? What words are you using as you speak, what are you saying and who are you talking to? What are you wearing? How does your day roll?
Build up a visual picture of yourself living the life in which you are playing big and stepping into your power, unleashing your talent and radiance onto the world.
Make this as exciting and compelling as you can.
Start feeling BIG
Now that you’ve got a good picture of the visual bigger you, you’ve got to feel it and embody it. Step into the feeling of this bigger you. Step out of your small space and into the bigger version of yourself and your life.
Really get familiar with what it feels like to be bigger and start practicing how you can bring this into your daily life. Start with baby steps, be patient and kind to yourself. Reach out to your support team of friends, coaches, colleagues and family. Keep a journal, be your best friends and remember to celebrate your success.
Is playing small such a BIG deal?
This is for you to honestly answer. If playing small is making you miserable and not helping you to live life to the full then YES it is a BIG deal. If you are letting opportunities pass you by then yes, playing small is a BIG deal. If when you step into what it would be like to play BIG you feel it would be better, brighter, happier and more fulfilling then yes, playing small is such a BIG deal. You might need to be brave, release your past and face your fears – and find someone to help you with this. Think about changing your behaviour and looking for and creating opportunities to expand your amazingness. If playing small feels like the right space for you to hold in your life right now then keep envisaging and imagining your ideal life anyway and hold the idea of playing big in your awareness until the time feels right.
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