Lately I’ve been saying the same thing over and over again to my clients who are in need of TLC and nurture.
“You’ve got to be your own best friend”.
Well, it’s true but it isn’t easy.
How often do we reach out to others: our partners, friends, parents, children or colleagues, sometimes even complete strangers, expecting them to support us, encourage us, compliment us, soothe our worries or say the things we want to hear? And when they don’t? Our ego is crushed, we fall and stumble a little, sometimes a lot… abandoned.
So, how about you start by supporting yourself? Loving yourself? Complimenting yourself? Encouraging yourself?
Up until a few months ago, for the last 2 years I’d been an utter bitch to myself, truly. If a friend had just sold their home, closed their business, moved countries and landed in a new country, a new town, with no friends, I would have been sympathetic, kind and encouraging.
But I didn’t treat myself like that when we moved from Canada to Scotland. Instead of nurturing myself with compassion and love I chose to beat myself up with a stick. (not literally!).
I didn’t need a Wicked Step Mother to punish me – I had myself for that!
The conversation inside my head everyday was pushy, nagging and down right mean. Phrases like: “I needed to try harder, things shouldn’t take this long, I really need to sort myself out, I’m putting on weight, no one will turn-up, I’m not good enough, why have I made things so difficult? I can’t believe I said that, I’m such an idiot, I’ll never find a place to live at this rate…’ and so on circled through my mind on a continual loop.
It was a difficult period for me, adjusting to a new way of life in a new country, setting up a new business, finding my feet and so forth. And I can only imagine how different it might have been for me if I had been accompanied by a friend who spoke to herself in an encouraging, loving and compassionate way, rather than like a mean bitch who had it all coming!
So how do you talk to yourself?
Are you supportive or yourself when you face challenges, make decisions or feel uncertain?
Do you speak softly to yourself with words of encouragement to follow your dreams and keep going?
Do you show yourself how much you value yourself by allowing yourself time and space for activities you enjoy, favourite foods, treats and so forth?
Do you listen to your heart and make sure your needs are met?
Are you patient and forgiving?
If you’re not going to be there for yourself then how can you expect others to be?
You’ve got to be your own best friend.
Try it and see.
Would love to hear your comments below about how this works for you and how you nurture, love and encourage your self.
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